Part of the danger of getting used to this life in green inside corrections is not paying attention all the time to areas of trouble. I have been safe for so long, at least staying whole as we say here, that I go about my daily business as if I am not in danger. While I am at peace with being here, and I haven’t been threatened, at least lately, and I feel pretty safe. And as I described before, it appears many CO’s are looking out for me as well.

The last time I really felt threatened goes back to early in my life here after transferring to Mid-State. I was in general population after being transferred out of reception. I wanted to use the phone to talk to my wife but it was count time. So after count I went to the empty phone booth to use it as one was already in use. As I began dialing, I noticed an ID card laying under the phone of the shelf. Not really knowing why it was there, I proceeded. Just as the recording was asking my wife to press three to complete the call a guy came and hung me up. He was medium height and ruggedly built and looked upset. He asked me if I saw his ID and what did I think I was doing? I said using the phone and he said let’s go to the bathroom.

Now at the time I didn’t know that was the place most things get “worked out” between inmates, as there are no cameras and it is out of sight of the CO bubble. (Just use your imagination) So I said sure and followed him in. He turned near the sinks and again asked me what I was thinking, using the phone when he had his ID there. I kind of noticed others had left when we entered and he was tensing his face, and I even thought he balled up his right fist. I simply said I did not know the rules and thought it was open and ready for use. I noticed I was a good foot taller than him but also several years older.

Now I know my way around a fight and have studied karate for a couple of years when I was younger, so I know good defensive tactics. I was not feeling like mixing it up with this guy but didn’t want to be branded yellow either, as inside corrections that label will follow and haunt you for your stay. However, fights inside corrections are no holds barred, anything goes. So we stared at each other for a couple of minutes, then he said he’d let this slide since I was a nubie. We didn’t exactly shake hands when we left. But neither one of us were letting the other know we were scared and I think both of us were happy it ended this way. I know I was.

I did notice the CO glance at us as we exited, meaning he knew something was up either because he saw the beginning of it or someone made mention. Often I have noticed they let confrontations play out when it’s green on green and only get involved when things get lopsided or threaten others, or turn on blue.

But since then, after learning many prison ways and keeping vigilant, I am still still whole and unhurt. The same could not be said for many SO’s or even some of my fellow referees. Yep, I was blessed that I had not been beat up after crucial games as other ref’s had when on the walkway home after the game. It left a shortage of referees as well, one that guys weren’t too anxious to fill. That put the burden on civilians and even the head of physical activity who filled in from time to time. On more than one occasion after I did a game with one of the civilians, I was asked if I wanted an escort back to my dorm. I guess I felt protected by greater powers than they could offer and didn’t really feel I was a target. Plus it would actually make things worse in the long run, giving the impression I was special. Nothing more enticing to some criminals than getting it on with a brown noser.

To date, through football and basketball refereeing, I have had no problems. However, that does not mean I can take anything for granted, especially as time goes on. Moreover, this facility also has a growing number of inmates with mental issues going into the OMH unit. You never know when one of them may pop off for who knows what as I had experienced in my work in Transitional Services early on. There, however, CO’s and civilians were always nearby.

So most days were business as usual: work, home to the honor dorm, workout, Bible study, work outs or even evening walks in the yard. Then more of the same. Weekends were often boring without any visits and usually resulted in time in the gym or yard. I relished being called in for special assignments at work. By the time Sunday evening Bible study comes I am ready for the week to start.

Of course I am also ready to get out of here but am more at peace knowing I will probably have to go to my CR (conditional release, 2/3 of your total bid) in November even though I go back to parole in March. Everyone gets another chance at parole every two years, though many guys skip the drama of going to the hearing, especially lifers. They know they’re getting hit, so why go through all the work and emotions. My friend William says I won’t make it this time either, so I am not getting my hopes up this time.

As we near the end of the year and my last Christmas inside whether I get hit or not, I have to say I am used to this life and working on skills that I will use when I return to life outside corrections. I get to practice the fruit of the spirit the apostle Paul speaks of in Galatians 5 v22, love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. Believe me, that is a challenge, which I know will continue later in my life. I now believe God put me here so I could work on myself as I sure wasn’t going anywhere good in His kingdom out there and needed this time out.

I truly believe that, which is probably why I am more at peace with things now. I even told my mother these things the last time I called which I think also helped her mental state. Hey, at 88 with her youngest behind bars she needs all the reassurance she can get.

My solace is coming from Jesus and my growing relationship with Him. Despite all my problems, my location and place right now, He is giving me more than I thought would ever come.